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Well, do you?
In my many years of research, writing, interviewing and experimenting with personal development, one thing has become evident: When we don’t find a form of creative self-expression, bad stuff happens.
Now first let me qualify “bad stuff” for you. Bad stuff could mean your health suffers, your finances suffer, or, and this is often the case, your satisfaction with life just sort of dwindles. There’s nothing really bad or really good going on, nothing that makes you excited or joyous. Kind of a contented state of discontentment. I think it was Thoreau who said, “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
Of course this goes for women too, but the point to be made, as Thoreau so eloquently stated, is this: most of us are so numb and desensitized to the day to day struggles, that we forget to remember what turns us on.
And what turns us on has everything to do with our own creative expressions.
You may be a writer like me, an artist, an actor, a hula hoop dancer, but the fact is, that all of us have SOME KIND of creativity that needs to be expressed. Some people find it in their work…that is, until their work starts to feel like work. Other people find it in their weekend hobbies of making jewelry, riding horses or helping at the homeless shelter. The truth is, anything that makes your heart open and your soul sing can be counted as creative expression.
When we fail to let our creative side grow and play and experiment, it gets stale and stagnant and tends to cause us grief. Writing in a journal is a great way to get in touch with your inner artist to figure out what may be missing in your life in the form of creative expression. And, if you’re not into journaling, consider stepping out in nature. It’s amazing what a few minutes of sunshine on your face can do for your spirit.
We were all put on this earth to create. Instead, we get mired down in the day to day doings of fighting the freeway traffic, worrying about the economy, what to wear to work, how to find work, what to fix for dinner, how to lose weight, how to find a lover and let’s not forget soccer practice and homework. Now I’m not saying to quit your job, leave your family and move to New Mexico to start painting landscapes.
What I AM saying, however, is that no matter what you might have going on in your life, there IS a way to find creativity within it, OR, to find another outlet that allows your inner artist to have some fun. You can create in the garden, at the canvas, with clay, or even cooking…anything that lets you get so in tune with what you’re doing that you lose track of time. Anything that lets you show the world who you really are.
Why not make a commitment today to play. Do something you love to do, or something you’ve always wanted to try. Read about it, dream about it, just do it. You can start today. Let me know how it goes!
Tamara
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In case you missed the show today, I was pleased as punch to have my long-time friend, often-time mentor and extraordinarily compassionate and talented helper of human nature, Andrea Lambert, on my show today.
Andrea is the founder of the Self-Awareness Institute, and she is an expert at helping people heal their inner child. For more information about her healing, feeling weekend–that’s unlike anything you’ve ever done before–check out her website: http://www.selfawarenessweekend.com/. Also, be sure to catch the podcast of the show today where you can hear more about what to expect at the weekend and how it can help change your life: http://www.InLoveWithSacto.com.
All this talk about my inner child got me to thinking about my own “inside-kid.” On the show, we talked about poor health and addiction. These are two of my least favorite subjects for a myriad of personal reasons, none of which are with merit. In other words, we tend to like least that which we need most, and I am no exception. Poor health and addictions can most definitely be traced back to a little kid inside your subconscious skin, trying to make the world right again.
If my inner child still has her feelings hurt after all these years, I guess she might eat too much sugar (like, waaaay too much) or drink too much wine, or spend too much at Nordy’s. She might also act out, act up, and put up with things that are beyond her ordinary level of tolerance, just because her deep need for approval lurks lovingly, just below the surface.
So what do you do with an inner child who has wounds to heal? According to my interview today, I am convinced that we all still harbor boo-boo’s that are beyond Band-aid relief. And whose fault is it? Mom and Pop did the best they knew how, even if, looking back, it was a disgrace to behold. We must, however, keep in mind, they probably didn’t know much better, but even if they did, they had their own angry inner children to contend with. See how this vicious cycle of emotional “owies” carries on?
Sometimes, when my inner child tells me she’s wounded, I want to hold her close and tell her everything will be okay. Other times, she drives me batty and I want to put her on a long time-out (no going to the mall all month!). But all in all, I think it’s important to get to know that smaller me. The one who likes to write poems, play on the floor with the dogs, and lay in the bare grass, looking at clouds. The little me, that still has big dreams and needs frequent hugging.
If you don’t know your own inner child, or at least haven’t chatted with him or her in awhile. Why not take this time to get re-acquainted? Take a walk, journal, or go all out and sign up for the weekend I spoke of earlier. Get to know that inside kid, and somehow, you get to know yourself.
Tune in anytime: www.InLoveWithSacto.com
Ta Ta for Now,
Tamara
If you missed the show with Dr. Dennis Crawford last week on Moods and Foods, you’ll want to tune in at www.InLoveWithSacto.com– it was a great show.
I was listening to Tony Robbins while I cleaned house the other day (yes, I like Tony Robbins, and yes, I clean house—occasionally!). Anyway, he expressed a sentiment that I share and it’s worth repeating:
WE ARE WHAT WE EAT!
No one likes to hear this. We all think that by some mysterious force, that the Jack in the Box burger or diet Coke will have no impact, and so, we repeat the assault, day after day, year after year. Then we wonder why we wake up one day with a heart attack or cancer….or simply unable to fit into our jeans.
So, yes, if you look at how a heart attack tends to ruin your whole day, then food DOES have a lot to do with your mood. However, the idea here is that the foods we eat affect how we feel on a daily basis, and how we feel on a daily basis affects our performance and productivity.
Do you agree with me?
Have you gone our for Mexican food for lunch with your pals, ate way too much and couldn’t think of anything but a siesta the rest of the afternoon? Well, being sleepy like that certainly has an impact on your success, doesn’t it? Instead of calling prospects, working on your blog or planning the next day, you are cleaning your fingernails with a bent paperclip and waiting for it to be time to “call it a day.”
Below are my five favorite tips to keep yourself in high gear. Try your best to follow this and I’ll bet you anything that get more done, with more energy and more enthusiasm. Remember, life is a gift that we should be excited to live, not a job we “have” to do.
1) Drink 1/2 your weight in ounces of water. I don’t think there is a more important rule than this. As a society, we are chronically dehydrated, and the sad part is that we are so used to it that we don’t even notice it. However, once you start drinking lots of pure H2O you WILL notice a difference. Your brain is made up mostly of water and needs plenty of it to function properly. Remember too, coffee, alcohol, tea and junk food add to the dehydration, so avoid these substances. If you do drink coffee or tea in the morning, be sure to drink even more water to flush it out of your system.
2) Eat your veggies. Vegetable are the best nutrition God has given us. Fresh, raw veggies are best, but cooked ones come in at second. Try to have a big salad at least once per day. Raw vegetables have live enzymes in them and that is the life force your body needs to survive and thrive. Keep carrots or celery with you for when a munchie attack hits. I like cucumbers and cherry tomatoes in a baggie so I can have a little make-shift salad even when I’m driving!
3) Take supplements. I’m not a health care practitioner, but I’ve read and researched health for many years. Each of us has our own nutritional requirements, however, there are some standard supplements that seem to help everyone. Omega 3 and 6 are very important. We don’t eat enough of the fresh water fish required to meet our needs, so taking it in pill form is essential. Also, I think vitamin C, especially during cold and flu season, is a must. Most importantly, some kind of daily “green” drink that you can mix quickly and easily with water and get at any health food store is just what we all need to keep us on top of our game.
4) These last two aren’t about foods, but I promise you, they are very important. Exercise! Exercise does not have to be hard. In fact, it should energize and excite you. I love to jump on my bike and take a 10-mile ride and can do it in less than an hour. Think about keeping weights in the bathroom so you can take 10- minutes and do some arm curls after your brush your teeth. If you can make it to the gym, great, if not, take walks. It only takes about 4 times per week at about 30 minutes each to reap enormous rewards. Not only will you have MORE energy and be MORE productive, but you’ll look better, be more healthy and fit into those sexy-jeans!
5) Have a purpose. It might be your dream job, your kids or your creator, but having some kind of purpose is what gets us all through the day. WHY are you working? For me, it’s because I really love to help people, so selling houses and writing self-help and doing my radio show keep my plenty inspired, but even I have bad days. When those not so fun days come along, I remember my kids and how important it is for me to work hard so I can help them with college and spend quality time with them. Maybe your purpose is to develop a cure for cancer or earn a college degree–whatever it is, as long as it’s important to you, it’s important. Focus on what matters in your life and the rest comes easy.
Hope this helps!
Happy Monday and,
ta ta for now,
Tamara Dorris
If you like this post and the whole idea of personal and professional development, let me so bold as to invite you to subscribe to my weekly Internet radio show, since our featured guest is ALWAYS someone who will have an impact on your life or your business. I’ll put the link and info at the bottom of this post.
So yesterday’s show featured a Sacramento-based Feng Shui consultant, Mary Mieth. Now Mary is good. I know she is good because I hired her nearly a decade ago to give me a consultation on my own house before we remodeled it. I also like that Mary hails from Silicon Valley where she was an engineer. Seriously, you can’t get much more analytical than that, now can you?
One of the things Mary brought that I wanted to dive further into here is that Feng Shui is just one part of the puzzle. An important part, to be sure, but still, just a part….not the whole tamale.
Over the last several years I began studying Feng Shui myself so that I could apply it for friends and family, which grew into my clients. Actually, with some clients, I don’t even mention I’m doing Feng Shui, I just tell them I’d like to move things around to make their home more appealing to the masses. And it really helps sell listings faster!
Anyway, Feng Shui is the part of the puzzle that addresses our environment. The energy flow of our environment is critical to our overall success, health and wealth…even our romantic relationships. I have seen lives change or at least improve with some good Feng Shui footwork. However, there are other parts to consider too.
I have had people get mad because a Feng Shui “cure” (something we do to help fix bad Feng Shui), didn’t help them lose weight, yet I noticed the wadded up McDonalds’ bag on the kitchen counter. Likewise, if you use Feng Shui to boost your fame section (back middle of the house or office), then sit and hide all day, never making phone calls or reaching out to people, you probably wont get the results you are seeking.
It’s like this. We have our emotions and our self-image which has an awful lot to do with the lives we are now living. Our emotions contain their own kind of energy that can attract or repel things into our lives. Our self-image dictates our attitude and often the actions we take. For example, someone in sales may have a poor self-image and thus fail to pick up the phone as often as needed to make lots of sales.
And of course, there is action. You can do every esoteric thing in the world, but if you fail to take action, you fail. I think the trick is—even though it’s not a trick at all—is to learn to master your emotions and positive self image, fix your environment so it’s conducive to your success, and then take inspired action to make things happen.
We all want quick fixes and easy solutions. I know, I am the Queen of it! However, that’s not the purpose of life. The purpose, I think, is that we find joy in what we have, live in an environment that makes us feel good, and provide servcie to others, based on our own unique desires and passions.
That said, Feng Shui helps us construct, re-arrange or even fix parts of our homes, yards, and offices so that we are more energized, emotionally stable and physically motivated to hit life head on.
Just remember, that while I am a big proponent and an active practitioner of Feng Shui, it is only a part of the equation. Master your mind and motivate your actions, and Baby, there will be no slowing you down!
Check out my radio show at www.InLoveWithSacto.com it airs every Wed. at 10 AM PST and always has guests that can help you improve your life.
ta ta for now,
Tamara
Over Labor Day I read an older book but it was a real eye-opener for me, which says a lot, since I’ve read about a billion self-help books. This one is called “What You Think is What You Get,” by George Lavenia.
The author hit me right between the eyes when he started talking about our early programming with parents. Here’s a quote that I highlighted and read over a few times:
“Wanting nothing to do with painful situations, you avoided them by going into a state of partial consciousness. What this means is the mind’s auto-response mechanism took over to protect you. It’s similar to losing consciousness when you’re in a serious auto accident.”
Wow.
The author goes on to say that in an effort to avoid any old and unpleasant feelings from childhood, we bury those memories deep inside our subconscious minds.
It seems to me then, that this could be the under lying factor, or at least a contributing factor, to many of the issues or addictions that plague our lives. Painful events in childhood don’t have to be surrounded by a terrible environment. For example, even a rich, well-loved child can be subject to feelings of shame or disappointment, death or other disaster that, whether big or small, holds a life-long impact.
The question is, how do we get down to the nitty gritty of the matter when we don’t know what the matter really is?
Lavenia’s answer is classic and one that I whole-heartedly agree with.
LOOK AT YOUR EXPERIENCES.
Since we create our own experiences, those experiences that we are living, day in and day out, are our living proof of what we are thinking. That might include good stuff, like appreciation, love and positive expectation; and it might include some not so good stuff, like scarcity thinking, fear and worry. Probably a bit of both is my guess.
While I truly believe that we do indeed create our own reality, I never really stopped to consider the idea that from our current experiences we could identify our beliefs…but it makes perfect sense! If I believe there will always be enough money to pay the bills and enjoy life, then there will be, so if I can’t pay the bills, then clearly there is a belief that I can’t…right? Getting down to the basis of the belief might be beyond this post, but at least having the belief in place is a good starting point.
For instance, taking the “I can’t pay my bills” and acknowledging it as a belief moves us to, where did that belief come from? And most importantly, how can I change it? Here’s the clincher: WITH YOUR MIND.
Yup. You gotta start in your mind. Rather than change a negative belief (i.e. one that does not serve you) through action, you must initiate the change on a mental level first. Since form follows thought, it only makes sense. Then, once you’ve recognized that you and only you are in charge of what you think, and that you and only you have created what you have and can change that creation rather quickly, it’s all a cake-walk. Well, almost.
We spend so much time and effort beating ourselves up over things that never seem to change, and I propose it’s because we try to change them on the outside instead of starting on the inside, where the real and lasting work takes place.
So there you have it. To change something in your life, follow these steps.
1. Identify what the belief is (hint: you get what you think about, so whatever you have, you, on some level believe that’s how it’s supposed to be).
2. Acknowledge that the belief started in your mind and in reality it’s only an illusion (no matter how real the belief seems).
3. Recognize that you have the power to change the belief. Pick a better belief and start programming your mind to believe it. Stay inspired, journal, use affirmations, pray, visualize…whatever it takes to help you change your thinking.
4. Move forward with inspired action that “proves” your new belief has taken hold. Your new experiences will be evidence enough that you’ve changed your belief.
Hope that helps!
ta ta for now,
Tamara
Listen in to my personal and professional development radio show each Wednesdays at 10 AM PST at www.InLoveWithSacto.com. This week we’ll be talking about how Feng Shui can help you improve your life!
“What You Think is What You Get,” by George Lavenia. ISBN 0-9658679-0-0 The Earth Foundation (publishing company)
Hope the search engines don’t pick up the title of this post and consider it a porn-site! Seriously, I’m going to talk about something that has an affect of all of us, whether we are willing to admit it or not.
The two reasons we do anything in our lives.
Yes. Anything.
Whether you love or hate Tony Robbins doesn’t matter to me. I, personally, like the big guy. Goofy, glitzy, whatever, he’s a self-made billionaire and that’s more I can say for most people I know, so he’s a-OK in my book.
Anyway, Tony has always taught this principle: everything we do is to either avoid pain or to seek pleasure (seriously, this is NOT a porn post!). For instance, I hate to pay bills. Just bores me to tears, not to mention I am not so crazy about forking over my hard-earned money for expenses that I do not think are reasonable. My electricity bill (SMUD), runs about $300 per month. Mind you, I do not live in a flippin’ castle, but a 2,500 square foot home. I just think that’s ridiculous, but that’s a whole other post  Anyway, I procrastinate on my bills.
However, when I get that little green envelope from SMUD (the nice pastel color is so deceiving) I know that I better get my butt on the computer and pay the bill or Mama ain’t gonna have the lights on for long. So you see, I avoided the pain of paying the bill, but when the pain of losing my electricity became more, well, painful, I hurried into action.
Tony says that we will go to greater lengths to avoid pain then to seek pleasure. His example is that we will work harder to protect our money or are families (avoiding pain) then we will to earn more money or take a vacation (seeking pleasure).
Personally, I think we’re all a little lazy and a little scared. It’s easy to avoid calling prospects, showing up at networking events, making those cold or warm calls in any kind of weather. We want to avoid the pain of stepping outside of our comfort zone, the possibility of rejection, and the risk of coming across as pushy or incompetent.
However, if you intertwine Tony’s idea of pleasure and pain with the law of attraction, I think it’s easier to work with. In the law of attraction, the idea is that we do NOT focus on what we do NOT want. Hence, whatever pain you are avoiding, is not the thing to dwell upon, but rather, find it’s opposite and feast your thoughts on that.
If you avoid returning calls, for instance, instead of considering the pain involved in taking action, think about the joy of a mutually-beneficial conversation. Think about offering your heart-felt services and by doing so are truly being of service. Imagine the joy when you can sit back and reap all of the rewards of your simple actions combined with your right mind-set.
There now. Doesn’t that make you feel better? It makes me want to pick up the phone and start selling houses to strangers! Seriously, if we stay focused on the pleasure and the positive and the possibilities of all things good, we can avoid the necessity to avoid the pain.
Just try it.
Ta ta for now.
Listen to my self-help radio show on every Wednesdays at 10 am (PST) at http://www.InLoveWithSacto.com (you don’t have to live in Sacramento to benefit; our topics and guests are universal!)
I’m reading a book called, “Your Heart’s Desire,” by Sonia Choquette– a speaker, writer and workshop leader that usually seems to focus on spiritual, intuitive kind of stuff.
In the book she speaks about the power of attention and intention; two terms that taste good together. Let me explain is like this: attention is where we focus our mental energy and intention is where we make a conscious decision to make something happen. In other words, it’s one thing to “wish” you had a new car, but another matter completely to “decide” you are getting that car next month.
I’ve been reading and writing about attention and focus for so long now, but it bears repeating until we turn blue in the face, if that’ what it takes to get through our thickened skulls: WHAT WE FOCUS OUR ATTENTION ON EXPANDS. This is why when I focus on not getting ketchup on my white skirt, I always do.
There’s just no way around it folks. Worried about getting fired? Might as well pack up your desk. Yes, that is how amazingly powerful our focused attention gets. In fact, the one thing that drives me batty is when I hear someone continuously complaining about how they know this or that will happen in their lives, and then when it does, they go on and on about how they “just knew that would happen.”
Well, heck yes, you knew it would happen…you gave your attention to it so passionately that it was bound to come to frutition. That’s just the way attention works. What we focus on will always come to pass. It’s like a universal law or a money-back guarantee; you can’t fight City Hall and you can’t trick the laws of nature. Slap a lazar-sharp focus on anything and it’s definitely in the works.
Intention is a whole other matter. Most of us, and I admit I am among the masses, have a hard time making a decision. I can’t even decide if I want a Ceasar Salad or chicken breast sandwich when I eat at the Cheese Cake Factory, and that’s just lunch, for pete’s sake. Seriously, we dilly dally around over simple little choices, so it’s no doubt that we meander around those big, bodacious decisions that can indeed alter life as we know it.
For instance, in my years of coaching all kinds of clients, I see the inability to make a solid decision and stick to it the biggest faux pas of all. We get scared.
What if I make a wrong choice?
What will my parents/the neighbors/the PTA, etc think?
What if I fail?
What if I suck?
What it, what if, what if. Life IS full of wrong descions, and nasty neighbors who gossip and people who fail and mess up many times. Thomas Edision sucked 9,999 times before he finally nailed his light bulb idea, and just look how that one finally shined!
History is replete with super stars whose names would not be embedded in our heads or our history books had they not sucked (i.e. failed) innumerable times before they did whatever they did that made them notable.
The key is to make up your mind.
Understanding that set-backs, scraped knees and other miscellaneous boo-boo’s are just part of life, is a start, but here’s the reality. When you don’t decide, you are really deciding. In other words, if you are trying to decide whether to open a flower shop or a bakery, and you just cant pick, you are, in a sense, making a choice. You have decided to stagnate; and that, my friends, can be the worse decision of all.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t be sure, seek counsel, do research, or tweet your pals for input, but what I am saying is that you can dilly dally yourself silly over worrying what the “right” decision is. Ultimately, whatever you decide will be right.
So make up your mind. Decide something, even something small, and stick to it. Leaders in life are quick to decide and slow to change. Don’t spend major time over minor events. Make a decision.
Next, focus your undistracted energy and attention on that decsion. Focus on the positive anticipated outcome. Do not let worry or fear or the ‘what if’s” color your thinking. Your concentrated, focused attention can create worlds, deals and dreams if you let it.
Only YOU are in charge of where you focus your attention, and that decision is completely up to you. But this you need to know: if you decide what you want without wavering, and then you apply your attention to that desire without doubt, you will create that thing in your life.
Lemmee know how it goes.
ta ta for now,
Tamara
Like self-help? listen in to my Sacramento-based radio show that focuses quite a bit on personal and professional development. You can also listen to past pod-casts. www.InLoveWithSacto.com
“Your Heart’s Desire” by Sonia Choquette, Three Rivers Press, NY
In following up on the book I started blogging about yesterday, “Are You Ready to Succeed,’ by Dr. Rao, we gotta talk about mind-monkeys.
Dr. Rao calls it “mental chatter” and the zen masters call it “monkey mind,” but truth be told, it’s all the same thing. It’s like our mind has a, well, mind of it’s own!
I decided to follow the author’s advice and be a witness to my own mental chatter (a witness who wouldn’t want to incriminate herself, mind you). So I head off for Whole Foods, a place I can really get spiritual at. Well, not really, but I can pretend.
So here goes my mental chatter:
“Why is this place always so crowded? Okay, I’m supposed to be paying attention to my thoughts….oh good, that guy’s pulling out…what the?! Like he couldn’t see me there. Moron! Opps. Not supposed to think negtive things…crap. Aummmmm. Yum, fresh white peaches…I LOVE these things…$2.99 a pound? No wonder I go broke shopping here! What did I pay at the farmer’s market last weekend? I know it was less. Oh, speaking of less, I need to eat less…I feel fat. Maybe skip the avocado this week. But wait, avodcado is good fat….what the heck is “good fat” really? Does it have less celluite? I don’t know, but I’m not feeling like any of my fat is good.
“Oh, look at that cute little baby…is she really letting him chew that box…I don’t think I let my kids eat boxes…but then, I didn’t shop at Whole Foods or even think about diet….that’s right, they grew up on Spaghettio’s…can’t believe I fed them that stuff. Man I’m hungry….I’ll have salad, yeah, salad with blue cheese…oh wait, oil and vinegar….could these lines be any longer? Oh, that was negative too…good thing I don’t have a “mental chatter cop” in my head giving out tickets. I’d have a bench warrant out for my arrest by now. Seriously, this is hard. I am not staring at her funny hair. I am not staring at her funny hair. Okay, I’m staring. What is she thinking? How does she even wash that mop? Good God, could this line move any faster?
“Finally. I thought I’d never get outta here. Sure, a few things and $82 later. Jeez. I really should try Trader Joe’s. Too far. Why do cars have to be so darn hot inside? Let me just pull out…what the?!? Where did he come from? Just give me a minute to pull out, will ya, then you can have my space. Some people.”
Well folks, that was my honest to goodness “witnessing” of my mental chatter. Needless to say, I have lots of room to work here, as I’m sure most all of us do.
It is interesting, however, to pay attention to our thoughts. Once we really understand that it’s not ten minutes a day we try to allocate to visualizing a goal that makes the big difference, but instead, the little bitty bunches of thoughts that compromise our walking, talking, breathing, driving, eating life.
Think about that.
Ta ta for now,
Tamara
The book I’m reading now is based on personal mastery. It’s written by Dr. Rao, who has actually developed a college-level course on the topic–which I think is too cool for school. Seriously, it’s my dream to teach these kinds of classes for at-risk youth…actually any youth, since I know from first hand experience and all the research and teaching I’ve done that, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, and more people need to know this is true.
The book is called, “Are You Ready to Succeed,” and it starts out almost assaulting our senses of reality….but the beauty of it is that once we realize that nearly everything we perceive is indeed an illusion of our own making, we have the power to change it.
Dr. Rao focuses on what he calls, “Mental Models,” and how they really and truly do affect and impact nearly everything we do. His definition is “…a notion we have about how the world works…” Coincidentally (if there is such a thing), the very moment I was reading Dr. Rao’s mind-expanding words, I was, in fact, experimenting my own faulty mental model.
Earlier that morning, my husband and I were doing our early morning Saturday morning thing: sitting at the kitchen table and reading. He asked me if I wanted to go to the Bodega Bay for the day and I declined. Too much stuff to do. Then he asked me if I wanted to go on a bike-ride (we like to ride the bike trail 20-30 miles). I said I did, but I first want to go to the gym (yes, I see as I type this how crazy that sounds).
With that said, I got ready for the gym and he did his thing. I came home early since I started to get excited for our bike ride, but my hubby was no where to be found. I looked high and low—and he never carries his cell phone on the weekends–but he was gone.
At first I worried. Then I got mad. How dare he make plans with me and then take off. I fidgeted, I waited, I fumed. Then finally, after I realized there would be no bike ride for me that day, I resigned to float in the pool for a little while, soak up some some and read Dr. Rao’s wise words.
That was when I realized I was smack-dab in the middle of my own faulty mental model. I was jumping to conclusions left and right, ready to give my husband a piece of my mind when he got back.
And Dr. Rao was right.
Late in the afternoon, my husband walks in, head down, camera in hand, and I ask him where he went. He told me, that since I had said I didn’t want to go to the coast with him, or on a bike ride with him (WHAT?), that he decided to take a drive by himself and hike along the beach.
As it turns out, he only heard me say I was going to the gym. He didn’t hear me say I would go on a bike ride afterward. Maybe I said it too softly, or maybe my body language suggested something else. Who knows? What I do know is that he spent the day feeling rejected, thinking I didn’t want to spend time with him, and I spent the day feeling indignant, as if I’d been stood up for a date. We were both wrong.
So we really have to ask ourselves, regardless of the situation we are in: am I in the middle of a mental model that is not serving me right now?
Success starts with being aware of our beliefs since we all operate from our belief system. To assume is always a mistake, especially where matters of the heart are concerned.
Let’s think on that today
Ta ta for now,
Tamara
“Are You Ready to Succeed: Unconventional Strategies for Achieving Personal Mastery” Srikumar S. Rao, Hyperion, ISBN: 1-4013-0193-2
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